The Ratmen

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Arr Mateys. I be answering your requests in a mundane way. Don’t be askin for no potion mishaps or magical codpieces in the request thread.

Trent B
on September 27, 2012 at 1:29 am said:

Well if you like you could create a small selection of ‘things some nonchalant 3ft ratmen pirates might be doing when they have stolen basically all of the ships/supplies and are now sitting pretty on an island off the coast which might have just been landed upon by some unscrupulous adventurers and their mysterious meatshroom tavern’? 
If you’re bored or whatever =P

Here’s your mundane answer, ya lubber:

The “3 foot ratmen” are a gang of nine brothers known for their longish faces and short stature. They are horrible sailors but excellent gunners, usually tasked with mending sails and swabbing decks when not in combat. Last August they were hired as crew on board Galadriel’s Garter, a privateering vessel backed by the Dutch. The garter’s officers were greener than their crew and at first encounter with the English frigate HMS Astonishment, the captain, first mate and both lieutenants were taken by chain shot. The Ratmen were the highest ranking left on the ship and they never, ever stop firing. They managed to cripple the English vessel so badly the remaining officers surrendered in exchange for a tow.

Which they did, after slitting the English throats. Alas, as I have mentioned, they are horrible sailors and managed to steer both vessels into the Fog of the Unknown and have landed on DedSkull Island.

Unaware of the dinosaurs, oversized animals, witches, fishmen, truant officers and weresharks surrounding them, the Three Foot Ratmen and their crew have declared a shore leave and have hauled the English rum and tinned beef to the beach. What are they up to when the party arrives?

1. Drinking
2. Burying “treasure”, mostly gold buttons and swords taken from the dead.
3. Buggery
4. Arguing over who is captain, first mate, “leftenant” and cook.
5. Trying to figure out maps
6. Making time with the native women
7. Trying to open a hatch in the ground
8. Target practice on oversized tree-living sloths
9. Industriously harvesting lumber and straightening out nails to repair the ships
10. Torturing a native to get the location of the lost city of gold from him
11. Cooking a giant sloth over a spit
12. Singing filthy sea chanties while (roll again)